Discipline Is A Muscle…Use It Or Lose It

 Everything Else  No Responses »
Apr 192012
 

What is standing between you and your goal? Why are you not making the money you want? Why do you weigh more than you want? Why is your relationship not where you want it to be?

If you are like most, a hundred excuses came into your mind in response to those questions. That is a natural reaction. I makes it easier for us to cope with not being where we think we should, if we believe we have a valid excuse for it.

Was your response, “because I have not disciplined myself to do the things I need to do, in order to get what I want”? For most of us, that is exactly why we have not reached our goals or achieved our dreams.

As with most character traits, discipline comes easier to some than others. But like many character traits, it can be developed and improved upon. Just as someone with weak muscles can gain strength by exercising them, discipline grows stronger the more it’s used.

While muscles have a tremendous capacity for growth, they also are vulnerable to inactivity. Muscles that are not used for an extended period of time begin to atrophy, or waste away. So it goes with discipline.

Bottom line – the longer you go without exercising discipline, the weaker you are when you need it. But the beauty of discipline is that whenever you exercise it in one area of life you now have the strength to apply it to others.

So, let’s work out! Here are some simple ways that you can exercise discipline in your life to make massive steps towards your goals.

1. Make small commitments to yourself and keep them.

If your goal is writing, then set aside a little time to write and do it. But, it has to be a set date and time. If it does not have a time attached to it, it’s not a commitment. If health is one of your goals, then set a time to walk, and then do it. Maybe you want to develop a closer relationship with a friend. Discipline yourself to call, write and get together with them. Each small commitment you keep will give you the strength to take the next step.

2. Leave some food on the plate.

Given that most Americans eat more than they should at each meal, this is a great way to discipline yourself on a regular basis. No matter how good it is, we should make a regular habit of leaving some food on our plate. The discipline it takes to do that, will pay off in many ways, not to mention your waistline!

3. Fasting

Fasting is practiced by every major religion and has great spiritual benefits. But it also has great health benefits. Science has known for quite a while that fasting short periods of time gives your body a needed rest and allows it to detoxify. It also is a great opportunity to build discipline. While a 3 day juice fast would do wonders for your body, spirit and mind, even fasting one meal would be a great step towards building the discipline you want.

4. Make a history of your discipline ‘greatest hits’

Many people use the excuse of not having discipline in a certain area of their life as a reason for failure. But you probably have had great moments of discipline in other areas of your life that you need to remind yourself of. Make a list of those moments for you to refer back to. When you are feeling weak, encourage yourself with your own success stories! For more on this, check out “The Power of Revisiting Your Milestones for Motivation”

5. Make “NO” a regular part of your vocabulary.

I’m not talking about being mean to people or negative. I am talking about denying your desires sometimes to exercise your discipline.

Do you want dessert? NO.
Do you want to buy those shoes? NO.
Do you want to put off that project? NO.
Do you want to watch TV? NO.
Do you want to eat out? NO.

There are a million opportunities every day for our weak flesh to say yes. Make yourself say No from time to time and you may be surprised by how much easier it will get.

We are not talking about earth shattering movements here, but success is defined as incremental improvements over time. Make a commitment to yourself right now and keep it and say NO to something today!

 

 Posted by aaron at 1:27 am  Tagged with: , , , ,

5 Things Keeping You From Great Time Management

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Mar 062012
 

time managementIf we all have the same amount of hours in a day and days in a year, why do some get so much more out of it than
others? For those who manage it well, they feel they have all the time in the world. For those who don’t, they never have enough. The good news is, we are the only thing standing in the way of managing our time better. Here are 5 things that may be keeping you from great time management.

1. No Defined Priorities

Do you ever feel like you are really busy, but not getting much done? Yet other days, you don’t put a lot of time in but feel very accomplished? The key word there is “feel”. You “feel” productive or unproductive because you did things that were important, things that were in line with your priorities.

If you don’t have defined priorities that are written down, how will you know if the things that you are doing are truly making you productive? Knowing our priorities sets the rudder for our day. When tasks arise that do not line up with our priorities, you can push them aside with a clean conscience.

I frequently ask myself in the morning, “If I only do 3 things today, what 3 things would make me feel accomplished?”. Then I make it a priority to get those things done. If I get those done by 10am (and I frequently do) how do you think I feel the rest of the day? Invincible!

2. Distractions

One of the main obstacles to good time management is minimizing distractions. Distractions come in all forms. Office chatter is a huge distraction. Impromptu personal conversations and even ad hoc project related discussions need to be managed or they are just keeping you from doing something else more important.

Phone calls, texts, social media, websites, phone apps and games, and email are just a few of the distractions we face nearly every minute of the day. Just take wild guess at how much productive time we waste every day on those items alone.

The best way to handle distractions is to schedule them. Unless you have a job that depends on you reading every email as it comes in, and most people don’t, schedule email time. It probably doesn’t need to be more than once an hour and I know highly productive people who check their email once or twice a day at set times.

checking voice mail, returning calls and texts are all things that can be done in batches rather than disrupting a project every 5 minutes.

3. Keeping Everything In Your Head

A major source of time management stress for most is trying to remember everything you need to do. Not having systems in place to empty your head and track things that need to be done is going to end badly.

You might think you have a good memory, but have you ever forgotten something important that you needed to do? Of course you have. If your brain is not 100% effective at capturing, organizing and prioritizing and remembering your tasks, then don’t trust it. Build a system that you can trust.

There are great systems out there. Franklin Covey, DayTimer and GTD all provide a way for you to empty your head and track your action items with lists. Once you get something out of your head and onto paper, your brain is free to think and create other things. Your brain is much better at thinking and creating than file retrieving .

4. Letting Others Dictate Your Schedule

Here’s one of my favorite quotes…

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”

How many times has your day been turned upside down, putting out other people’s fires or finishing other people’s failed projects? Too many to think about probably.

Sometimes it’s unavoidable. If it comes from your boss, suck it up. If it comes from co-workers, friends and family, don’t be a pushover. I’m not saying be a jerk, but solutions can be found that do not require you to drop everything you are doing now and fix it.

If someone is repeatedly expecting you to fix there problems, on their time table, then it’s actually a kind thing to stop enabling them and say no. No is a powerful word that has gotten a bad rep.

Yes can actually be one of he most dangerous words in our vocabulary, if not used properly. Maybe it’s time for you to stand up for your priorities and schedule and tell some people that you simply don’t have the time right now to help them.

5. Procrastination

You knew we would get here sooner or later. The age old foe. The tormentor that pins us down on the ground while dangling spit in our face like a sadistic older brother…Procrastination.

Not many people put off going to the movies, playing golf or shopping. It’s only the undesirable tasks that get shoved off to the following day’s to do list 49 days in a row. The problem is every day we move it out, the consequences get worse. But, the feeling of dread is not going away until we get it done.

Do your most undesirable tasks first thing in the morning when you have the most energy and the momentum of dread has not had a chance to gain. Knocking out something you have been putting off will have an amazing effect on your productivity the rest of the day.

Improve on any one of these 5 things and you will get more out of your time and out of your life.

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 Posted by aaron at 8:00 am  Tagged with: , ,

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Mar 052012
 

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 Posted by aaron at 1:28 am

The Power of Revisiting Your Milestones for Motivation

 Leadership  No Responses »
Feb 212012
 

milestone monumentWe all have those moments where we are out of motivation and inspiration. Maybe we hit a string of failures and don’t believe we have what it takes to succeed. Maybe fear is holding us back from our dream. Let’s talk about the power of revisiting your milestones for motivation.

No matter what you feel like right now, you have a history of success. There are those unforgettable moments in your past where you have killed it. Where despite your own fear, you slayed a giant.

So the question is, “If you’ve done it before, why can’t you do it again?”

You can! you just need to remind yourself what you are capable of. Sometimes it takes looking back at your milestones to get the motivation that will propel you forward.

This Is Nothing New

People have been doing this for a very long time. In fact, the Bible tells us that the Israelites would set up a stone monument, called an Ebenezer, when God did something amazing for them.

The cool thing about this monument was that they would pass by it on a regular basis and be reminded of God’s faithfulness in their lives. Even years later, they would pass by it with their children and grandchildren, telling them the story behind the ebenezer.

Every time they passed by, they would gain momentum in their faith because of what happened in the past.

It Still Has Power For Us Today

This same principle still has power for us today. When you are fearful, reflect on a time when you overcame fear. When you lack discipline, remind yourself of a time when you shook off lethargy and exercised your will over your feelings.

Unfortunately, most of the things we look back on are not our successes, but our failures. It’s in our nature to dig into our past for reasons why we can’t do something. That doesn’t take any work at all, it just comes natural for us.

So replace that habit with a new one. Every time you find yourself using your past to drain your ambition and courage, change what your are thinking about. Choose a memory that will fill you with hope and courage.

From My Own Life

Let me share some examples from my own life to help you understand what I am talking about.

Sometimes I find myself struggling with perseverance, when things are difficult and the end seems so far away. When I’m not sure I can follow through, I think back to when I was 13 years old and had a summer job with a landscaping company. We started before sunup and finished after sundown, 6 days a week, in the Texas heat. It was miserable and I wanted to quit everyday. But I never did, even though 4 grown men started on my crew throughout the summer and none lasted more than a week.

When I am doing something new and unsure whether or not I will succeed, I think back to when I started public speaking at 19 years old. I was doing a 45 minute seminar on personal safety and selling products at the end. I memorized my speech and delivered it 5 – 10 times a week. It didn’t take me very long to get pretty good at it, or to realize that I loved it.

When I am unsure about the future and afraid of the unknown, I look back to when we came off the mission field with 4 kids. We couldn’t afford to ship all our stuff back, so we mailed 19 small boxes with some clothes and sentimental things back to the U.S. I had spent all my working life in ministry and now I had no job. The job market was very bad and I had no idea how this was going to work out. Despite my fear and doubts, I got a job within a month and we were able to replace all of our stuff.

I have many more stories in my personal portfolio that I look back on to give me the courage, perseverance, motivation, inspiration and faith I need for the future. I challenge you to start putting together your mental scrapbook and visit it often.

 Posted by aaron at 9:19 am  Tagged with: , ,

What Does Sleep Have To Do With Leadership?

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Feb 072012
 
Sleep

photo from stock.xchng courtesy user intuitives

Puffy eyes…headache…trouble concentrating…yawning. No, it’s not a hungover college student in biology class. It’s most Americans throughout their workday because they are not getting enough sleep. In fact, the National Sleep Foundation says that 1/3 of American adults get less sleep than they need to function at their best.

While most people believe they should get more sleep, it seems to be counter to our culture. Co-workers brag around the water cooler about how little they slept, as if it’s a badge of honor. It doesn’t help that there is a long list of famous achievers that claim to have thrived on very little shut eye.

Jay Leno, Margaret Thatcher, Michaelangelo, Napoleon and Thomas Edison all claim to have spent only 4 hours a night in dream land.

So what does sleep have to do with leadership? A lot, actually. In order for us to be the best leaders we can, we must be at our best mentally and physically. Getting less sleep than you need adversely affects both.

According to WebMD, some negative effects of little sleep include, impaired judgement, slow cognitive function, weight gain, bad memory, impaired learning, depression, accelerated aging and decreased sex drive.

As it turns out, it’s when you are sleeping that your brain sorts through and consolidates your memories from the day. When your brain doesn’t have enough time to do this, you forget the things you learned yesterday. What a waste!

So here are a few ways you can back on good terms with Mr. Sandman…

1. Find The Right Amount Of Sleep For You

The “four hour sleep” achievers listed above are extremely rare. And regardless of their fame, that doesn’t mean they didn’t suffer negative health affects from. But every one is different when it comes to sleep and the necessary amount.

I do very well getting 7 hours. I know some who do well on 6 and a couple people who need 8 or more to be at peak performance. Obviously if you are getting 5 hours now and you are tired all the time then it’s not enough. But how much do you need.

One way to find out is keeping a sleep journal. Since most people need to get up at the same time every morning, vary the time you go to bed every two weeks and keep a journal each day of how you feel.

2. Set A Routine

Most parents know the importance of a bedtime routine with their kids, but it works well for adults too. The human body works very well with routine. There is a rhythm to life and your body likes to know what to expect and when.

Your routine may include a shower or bath, brushing teeth, reading or doing something to prepare for the next day. When you begin to do those things, your body knows what is coming and will prepare for it.

3. Avoid Stimulants

We should avoid activities and foods that stimulate the brain and the body before we go to sleep. Brain stimulants would include problem solving, deep conversation and television among others. Arguing is also a sure fire way to not be able to fall asleep because it’s an emotional stimulant.

What we eat also can have a stimulating effect on our bodies. Avoid heavy meals, which stimulate the digestive system. Coffee is the obvious culprit of caffeine, but don’t forget about chocolate, soda, tea and some medications. Nicotine is also a stimulant, don’t smoke before bed if you can help it.

Alcohol certainly will help you to fall asleep faster, but can backfire later with restlessness, headaches and nightmares. Spicy foods can keep you awake with indigestion and heartburn and protein rich foods are hard to digest.

4. What You Sleep On Matters

8 hours of sleep every night is not going to do you any good if it’s spent tossing and turning and leaving you with neck pain. The quality of your mattress ad pillow is every bit as important as how much sleep you are getting.

Everyone is different in their preference of mattresses. Some like harder and some softer. I have been sleeping on a Sleep Number bed for a few years now and noticed a difference almost immediately. I like my side softer than my wife prefers, so the individual control is great.

While my back pain improved, my neck pain continued until my chiropractor informed me that my $10 Walmart pillow was too flat after a couple weeks of use. He introduced me to the Therapeutica pillow and I will be forever grateful. It’s pretty amazing.

Tips and Tricks

Sometimes I can’t sleep because I am worrying or have a hundred things running through my head. When that happens, I get up and write down everything I am thinking about. Just writing it down lets my brain know that it’s under control and will be dealt with.

Counting sheep never did work for me, but years ago I read a little trick that has. I mentally spell words backwards and forwards. Ex: O-R-A-N-G-E ….E-G-N-A-R-O. I don’t know the science behind it, but it works more than half the time for me.

In his book, The Four Hour Body, author Tim Ferriss talks about he benefits of the ice bath for weight loss, but studies show that it also induces sleepiness. To be honest, I’ve never done it and probably never will but thought I would include it anyway.

So here’s to a more healthy, rested and energetic leader ready to make good decisions and take on the world!

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 Posted by aaron at 9:00 am  Tagged with: , , ,

How To Make Better Use Of Your Daily Commute

 Productivity  No Responses »
Feb 042012
 
Daily Commute

Image from stock.xchng courtesy user ziptrivia

Do you feel like your daily commute is sucking the life out of you? All those hours spent stuck in traffic, going nowhere fast, feeling like a prisoner in your own car.

The average american spends 2.5 hours a day commuting to and from work. That’s 50 hours a month and 600 hours a year, if you only work 5 days a week! One way to lessen the frustration of all that wasted time is to make better use of your drive time.

Here are 5 ways to be more productive in your commute.

1. Empty Your Head

If you are a practitioner of the GTD system (Getting Things Done by David Allen), then you know the value of this concept. We all seem to have a million thoughts running through our mind at any given moment. The problem is that many of these are the same thoughts over and over again.

The goal in capturing every thought you can is so you only have each thought once because it has now been translated into an action step. You also have now freed up your mind to create instead of manage.

I am not suggesting that you try writing in your planner as you fly down the highway. The best way to do this is with some type of voice recording device. This can range from an old school microcassette to a newer digital recorder to your phone or ipad.

I use Evernote to capture and manage my list and have the mobile app installed on my phone. The voice recognition feature allows me to speak my notes or action items into the phone. It requires minimal button pushing because everything goes into my capture folder first. When I get to the office, I then put them into their proper action lists.

In a 30 minute drive, you could easily have your entire day planned out. Brainstorm ideas, solve a problem, whatever needs to be done.

2. Get Spiritual

Being alone in your car is a great time to pray, clear your head and reflect. We all live busy lives and driving is one of the only times when we don’t have several people pulling us in different directions.

Take advantage of this time to feed your spirit and get the emotional refill you need to face the day. I take a few minutes to pray during my drive time each morning. I pray about the challenges and problems I know I will face that day.

On my way home I take a few minutes to reflect on why I am thankful for my family. It helps me to come in the front door with the right attitude and ready to make the best of every moment.

Even if you just spend a few moments in silence, you will notice the difference.

3. Connect With People

Drive time presents a great opportunity to make productive phone calls to get your day moving in the right direction. A bluetooth headset and voice recognition make it so easy.

But let’s also take this opportunity to build our connections with the people in our lives that matter. This is a great time for you to call your spouse and just chat. Maybe it’s just a brief, “I love you, hope you have a great day.”. Or discussing family business and making decisions.

This is a great time to make those, “I was just thinking about you” calls. Call your parents, siblings, friends, or grown children, just to see how they are doing. Great relationships are built on small connection points. You may be amazed at how many times your call will come at just the right moment for them.

4. Listen And Learn

I learned a long time ago from one of my mentors that leaders are readers. Over the years, I have become a voracious reader. I absolutely love learning and reading is one of the most accessible ways to learn.

However, reading while driving is not wise. Thank God for technology! I can listen to audiobooks and podcasts anywhere via my phone, ipod or ipad. Even waiting in line for 10 minutes gives me a chance to grab a quick listen to Dave Ramsey’s Entreleadership or the Freakonomics podcasts.

5. Just Relax And Enjoy

Ok, not every minute of your day has to be spent producing, working and growing. We all need some time to recharge our batteries and do something we just plain enjoy. It doesn’t have to serve any other purpose than that.

While I enjoy being productive, sometimes I just want to put on my favorite Pandora radio station and and sing at the top of my lungs. And sometimes I pull up my favorite comedian on my ipod because I just need to laugh. And sometimes I just sing without music because I like to.

There you are. No more banging your head on the steering wheel, dying a slow death in traffic. Who knows, maybe you will actually look forward to your daily commute. I do!

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 Posted by aaron at 9:08 am  Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , ,

Balance – The Key To Keeping Everything You Love

 Leadership  No Responses »
Feb 032012
 

image from stock.xchng courtesy user topfer

Is This Normal?

Burnout, Depression, Stress, Sickness, and Divorce are all normal occurances these days. Should that be normal? Unfortunately, We are all headed down the same road when we lack this one thing in our life…Balance –  the key to keeping everything you love.

You love your family, your job, your hobby, ministry. But how do you give the proper amount of attention and devotion to each? Because giving too much time and energy to one thing will cause you to lose everything.

So, here are a few ways that we can bring some balance between work and family.

1. Bring Closure To Your Work Day

It is often hard for us to take off the work hat when we get home and put on the family hat. Yet, it is vital that we do. Our family deserves our best when we get home. One of my mentors taught me something years ago that I still regularly practice.

When I pull into the driveway, I take a moment to mentally and emotionally unload. The bible tells us to cast our cares upon the Lord, for He cares for us. And that’s what I do. I pray that God would help me focus on my family and that he would take the mental burden off my mind concerning work things.

2. Keep Your Mind Where Your Body Is.

So you do your best to spend the proper amount of time with your family, only to hear, “It doesn’t matter how much time you spend with us because even when you are here, you’re not here.” Ouch! But the truth hurts sometimes, doesn’t it?

This is one of my biggest struggles. My mind is always trying to solve problems and create, even when I don’t want it to. Maybe you worry about work situations and it’s hard to turn it off.

Writing things down helps me tremendously. I have found that if I can regularly empty my brain, I have a much easier time focusing on what I am supposed to be doing at the moment. Maybe a voice recorder, notebook, memo pad on your phone, whatever. Usually when I write it down, I stop thinking about it.

3. Set Boundaries

You don’t have to check your email every 15 minutes at home, so don’t. You don’t have to answer every time the phone rings, so don’t. The hardest word to say is one of the simplest sounds to make…NO.

Achieving balance requires us to set firm boundaries around the things that matter most in our lives. When phone calls and messages try to encroach on the boundaries, we must be diligent about saying no.

Ask yourself, “what is the worst that could happen if I don’t address this right now?” More often than not, the consequences will be very minor, if there are any at all, and saying no will have been well worth it.

image from stock.xchng courtesy user michaelaw

4. Power Down

I love my gadgets. But, often their convenience is offset by the fact that it has weaseled it’s way into every area of our lives. My phone has virtually everything I need in it and it’s with me all the time. The problem is – it’s with me all the time.

There is no limit to the amount of work and play that our gadgets allow us, but that same technology can suck the very life out of us.

It’s time for us to control our tech and not let our tech control us. My wife and I have recently decided to only watch TV on the weekends. There are several shows that I love, so I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. But, my productivity has increased and my wife and I talk more. It has been more than worth it.

In what ways could you power down? Don’t check work email at home? Don’t check your social networks when you are with others? Don’t use the computer at night until your kids go to bed? You will be amazed at the results.

5. Schedule according to your values

Want to find out where a person’s priorities truly lie? Look at their checkbook and their schedule. We are not going to get into the checkbook part, but people really do spend time doing what they value the most.

Take a hard look at how you spend your time and see how balanced it is. That’s not to say every area of your life gets the same amount of hours. Obviously work is going to take the majority of your week. But, is it taking more than it needs? Could you spend less time at the office and still do what needs to be done?

How do you spend your free time? Do you spend more time on a hobby, computer or tv than you do face to face with your family? We don’t always do it on purpose, but we can default to what is easy or enjoyable at moment, at the expense of what is important. Schedule your free time so that it is balanced

Let’s not wait until our unbalanced life brings everything crashing to the ground. A balanced life is a happy life!

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 Posted by aaron at 9:07 pm  Tagged with: , , ,

It’s Hard To Lead Without Talking

 Leadership  No Responses »
Jan 262012
 

 

Public speaking is a lot like blogging. You must have great content and an audience. You cannot survive on one or the other, it takes both. When speaking to a group, you technically already have an audience, but that doesn’t mean that you have the audience. But even great delivery and charisma will not get you far if the content is poor.

You say that you hate public speaking?  Well, get over it, because it’s hard to lead without talking.

Over the past 20 years I have spoken hundreds, if not a thousand or more times to groups ranging in size from 2 to over 2,000. What I am about to share with you has served me well and can be applied to groups of any size.

PREPARATION

You have to have something to say!

This is the starting point. Why are you doing this? Obviously you believe you have something to say, what is it? And it better be something important! Nobody wants to have their time wasted by someone droning on and on about pointless and meaningless things. Say something important, something that matters (watch this short, inspirational story by Darren Rowse)

So, you’ve identified this important thing you want to say. You wouldn’t load your 5 kids and dog into the minivan and strike out onto the highway on vacation without knowing your destination, would you? Heck, 5 kids and a dog would drive you crazy if you knew where you were going, let alone if your lost! So give your audience the comfort of knowing where this minivan is headed.

How are you going to get there?

Just like your vacation, there are countless ways to get to any destination. Now it’s your job to figure out the most effective route. You can take the scenic route with illustrations, make a pit stop humor, get stranded on the side of the road with vulnerability or stop and see a long lost friend for emotion. All these have their place, the only limit is your creativity.

Actually, it’s also limited by your laziness. Don’t procrastinate! Waiting til the last minute will add pressure that you do not need right now. Writing your presentation well ahead of time will give it time for the flavors to meld together, allowing you to add something extra if needed.

It also gives you time to rehearse. That’s right, you need to know your material. It is impossible to make the necessary connection with an audience when you are looking at your notes the entire time. You will need bullet points, but you should know Your material well enough to look at and engage your audience.

If it is a speech you will give with some regularity, take the time to memorize it. My first job out of high school was giving a 1 hour safety seminar 5 – 10 times a week. I memorized it before my first one and it allowed me to focus on my delivery, not on what I was going to say next.

IT’S SHOWTIME!

It’s written, it’s rehearsed, now it’s time to hit the stage, right? Not quite. Speaking in front of a group, not matter how much experience you have, is something you have to prepare emotionally for. Even though public speaking is second nature to me now, I still get nervous every time I do it. Every Time.

Image from stock.xchng courtesy of user Spanishale

Many people have a ritual they go through to prepare, psyche up, whatever you want to call it. Something that puts you in the psychological state to give an energetic, emotional presentation. For me, my confidence comes from knowing my material, I am reviewing it up until the last minute. When the spotlight is on, I hit my groove.

Many people just need to get their adrenaline pumping. Run in place, jump up and down, sing, whatever. For others, they need to relax through meditation or prayer to calm their nerves and get centered. Whatever works for you, do it.

Eyes, Then Ears

The audience will see you before they hear you. Your body language will set the tone from the start. Do you walk to the podium or take the microphone with confidence? Or, does it feel more like dead man walking? Either way, the audience will feel it.

Watching a nervous speaker is a painful thing for the audience. It’s kind of like being at someone’s house while they are arguing, it’s uncomfortable and you want to crawl under the rug. So does the audience when they sense you might lose it and run off the stage crying hysterically at any moment. Exuding confidence is the best way to put an audience at ease.

Now it’s time for words, and man, these first words are important. These first words are the hook, the audience is going to decide in a very short amount of time what they think of you and if they want to keep listening. And they don’t have to. They have plenty of other things to think about (and lots of games to play on their phone).

Whether you start with humor, stunning facts, self deprication, or an emotional story, you have to grab their attention. You have to establish a connection up front. At the risk of sounding like Sally Fields, you have to make them like you, really like you.

Now, the fun part

Guess what? The hard part is over. The writing, preparing, rehearsing and establishing a connection were difficult. Now you get to be yourself and have fun. But here are some tips for the rest of your presentation.

  • Maintain confident and assertive posture throughout your presentation.
  • Make passing eye contact with different individuals to keep connected.
  • Speak loudly and project your voice with confidence.
  • Be mindful of your hands (Ricky Bobby). Too much hand movement is distracting and makes you look nervous.
  • Don’t pace back and forth, non-stop. You want to work the stage, but people don’t want to feel like they are at a tennis match. Plant yourself firmly and square up to the audience when making a point.
  • Have fun!

One of the best ways to improve your speaking is to watch good speakers. Next time you are watching an experienced speaker, draw two columns on your notes. One column for the content fo their speech, the other for notes on delivery.

True, public speaking comes easier for some than others, but anyone can learn to do it well. It just takes time and practice.

 Posted by aaron at 9:20 am  Tagged with: , ,

5 Things To Look For In A Mentor

 Mentoring  1 Response »
Jan 232012
 

photo from stock.xchng, courtesy of user JoanaCroft

Everyone needs a mentor. No matter your age or experience, you need someone to teach you what you don’t know. Butchoosing a mentor is a big decision. This is someone you are going to be vulnerable with and give them access to your life. This is not a decision to make lightly.

Here are 5 things to look for in a mentor.

1. Character

I list this first because it is the most important. There is no doubt that you can make a lot of money or grow a large business with little regard to ethics. Great leaders however, can do the same while holding fast to their integrity.

A mentor is someone you want to emulate in certain aspects of personal life or business. Therefore, you want to choose someone that not only has the skills you want, but the values and character you want. Find someone who most resembles the person you want to be.

Look at the way they treat people. Do they see the intrinsic value in all people, or do they see people as units of production. Are they kind and respectful in the way they speak to those under their leadership?

Do they keep their word? Do they follow through on what they say, or are they constantly letting people down. Are they just telling people what they want to hear?

Honesty is important. Find someone who tells the truth, even when it hurts. Are they prone to exaggerating or making things look better than they actually are? If you’re a salesman, don’t choose a mentor who lies about his product.

Find out what others think about their character. It’s not just about what you do, but HOW you do it that matters.

2. Success

While success is not the final indicator of a quality person, it is a quality you want to look for in a mentor. This does not mean that they have to be the owner of a thriving company or a millionaire, but you do want someone who has won in your field.

If you are looking for a marriage mentor, find someone who truly has a loving and thriving marriage.

If you are an entrepreneur, don’t choose a mentor who has a string of failed business in their past with no successes.

Starting a business is a hard thing, and most fail at it before they succeed. Those failures are invaluable tools for mentors and can help you to avoid the same mistakes. But, success gives the best perspective to teach your mistakes.

If your mentor is not the owner of a company, they should at least have a track record of promotions, rising sales, successful projects, etc. Remember, you are choosing a mentor to teach you to excel, not fail. We can do that on our own.

3. Experience

While success is desirable in a mentor, it is not enough on it’s own. It’s conceivable that a 19 year old high school drop out could start a business and be very successful within a couple years through hard work and determination. That does not automatically qualify him to be a mentor in business.

Experience matters. The young entrepreneur may be able to show you just what he did, but what about the multitude of circumstances he has never encountered?

An experienced mentor will be able to teach as much from their failure as they do from their success. And time is the best way to accumulate both.

Experience is also the best way to gain perspective. A successful 60 year old business owner is going to have a much different perspective than one who is 30. The older will have learned that there is no amount of success worth sacrificing your family over. The younger may still be in the process of driving his marriage into the ground under the weight of his devotion to work.

Look for both success and experience in a mentor.

4. Honesty

We all want to be liked. But, you don’t want a mentor who doesn’t say what needs to be said so that you will like them. Honesty is vital in a mentoring relationship.

They need to be able to identify areas of improvement but also bring those to your attention in a manner that encourages growth.

It takes two to tango. Your mentor can only be as honest as you will give them permission to be. As trust is developed more honesty will be expected. I have 2 mentors that I have given cart blanche, nothing is off limits. I have given them permission to point out any area of my life that they see is lacking.

Will you get defensive if your mentor is honest? Will you get mad if they challenge your work ethic or your integrity? Usually the greater the reaction, the more true the criticism is.

5. Transparency

Mentoring is not to be done from an ivory tower. It is done down in the trenches where their faults can be seen as well.

When you choose your mentor, you will more than likely have them up on a pedestal. They are someone you admire and tend to see their strengths above their weaknesses. Although that is normal, a good mentor will not keep it that way.

A good mentor will let you into their world of weakness as well so that you can identify with them in your struggles. It is also encouraging to know that someone successful fights the same battles as you do, and loses some of them as well.

The closer and more real the relationship gets, the more effective it becomes. Seeing others faults and how they overcome them actually garners more respect.

Look for these qualities when choosing your mentor and you will be off to a great start.

 Posted by aaron at 9:00 am  Tagged with: , , , , ,

5 Things Leaders Cannot Ignore

 Leadership  No Responses »
Jan 182012
 

Great leadership is not created in a vacuum. And good leadership is not a stand alone quality. Just as their are many “off the field” activities that go into making a world class athlete, there are key areas that leaders must cultivate to become better leaders.

Here are 5 things leaders cannot ignore…

1. Their Relationships.

Relationships are essentially the stuff that life is made of. Even the most introverted person would die emotionally if every relationship they had was taken away.

It is my personal belief that this is the reason we are on the planet. To be in relationship with others. Learning to live and interact with others is what produces the greatest amount of growth in our lives.

It is a denial of reality to think that you can be a failure in your personal relationships, yet still be a great leader. Again, success alone does not define a great leader, character does. Sure, a level of success may be had, but true potential will not be reached.

Leaders who treat their spouses poorly or keep their children at an emotional arm’s length, are stifling their effectiveness away from home. The in congruency of being one person at home and another at work will always show itself for what it is…hypocrisy.

True leaders are great because of the quality of their relationships in every aspect of their life.

2. Their Spirituality

I am a Christian. It is who I am and my worldview affects the way I think and act in every area of life. That being said, this is not a forum for me to preach.

However, it is universally accepted by most that we are spiritual beings. That there is a component to us that is not made up of chromosomes and genes, but something supernatural.

There are many different religions and belief systems that explain this in one way or another. Yet with so many different choices, they all share one component…the search for peace.

Those who have not found spiritual peace find everything in their life to be out of joint. So many things throw us off emotionally because we are still searching for a way to explain it. Why do people act the way they do? Why are things not working out the way I hoped? What is my purpose in life?

Being able to answer these questions brings a sense of balance and stability to our lives, a sense of peace.

3. Their Physical Health

Ask any race car driver…the poorly tuned car will keep a great driver from winning every time. If all the other cars are going 120 mph and your car will only go 80mph, it doesn’t matter if your are Jeff Gordon, you are going to lose.

Believe me, I’m not the model of physical perfection to strive for. But I do know that when I am taking care of my body, I perform better. When I neglect my body, I suffer the consequences of fatigue and pain.

Exercise, nutrition, sleep, and posture all play vital roles in our performance. The last time I checked, the brain was still a part of the body. Tired bodies make tired brains. painful bodies make distracted brains.

The way you feel physically in the morning will set tone for the entire day. Here’s a good start…

a. Get plenty of sleep on a bed and pillow that keep your spine
aligned.
b. Move! even if it’s just 5 minutes of stretching, get your blood
flowing and body moving.
c. Eat a healthy breakfast, loaded with protein.

How could you not be a better leader if you felt amazing most of the time?

4. Their Emotional Health

Just as you are a spiritual being, you are also an emotional being. Emotions canot be seen under a microscope, they can only be found in one place…your mind.

The cool thing about emotions is that they are completely controllable. They are in your mind, you have total control over your mind, therefore you control your emotions.

The problem is that most people let their emotions control them. Instead of telling their mind what to think, they are tossed to and fro on the raging sea of their emotions.

How we think is what we are. Unfortunately, many are waiting for success or the circumstances in their life to change, thinking that then they will be happy.

Research actually shows the opposite. Here is a finding from the America Psychological Association…

“Happy people are more likely to work toward goals, find the resources they need and attract others with their energy and optimism — key building blocks of success.”

Our emotional health determines our happiness, not success.

Remember that peace thing we were talking about? Our emotional health is directly linked to our spiritual health. Ignore one and we fail at both.

5. Personal Development

None of us come out of the womb having all the necessary skills we need to succeed in life. We get a good education, have great parents that teach us the best they can, but it’s still not enough

Life is learning. If you are not learning, you are not truly living. You are existing, but not growing. Things that do not grow get shoved to the side. To keep up we always must be moving forward.

Personal development should be a daily goal for leaders.

Get a promotion…take a vacation…make more money…send my kids to college. These are the goals of most leaders, most go-getters.

But our goals should also include:

listen to my spouse more…read 2 books a month…watch less TV…stop yelling at my kids…invite friends over for dinner twice a month…

Saving for retirement is a great goal, but it doesn’t make you better as a person.

It’s very simple. Good leaders are good people. Become a better person = become a better leader.

Take some time for honest reflection on your shortcomings and what areas you would like to improve. How would growing that area improve the quality of your relationships and your life?

This is where having a mentor is great. Get their advice and some action steps for you to take. Set some goals and see what happens. I think you will like what you find.

 Posted by aaron at 4:43 am  Tagged with: , , , ,
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